Ruku IO

Can’t stay awake!
Can’t stay asleep!
Somewhere in limbo,
Between your thighs,

I rocked your world,
You crushed mine,
It was my demise,
You stopped the lies,

Your smile scarred my soul,
I didn’t mind being your fool,
In my dreams,
Only you could rule,

My mind will heal my heart,
As time goes by,
My mind will fall apart,
We already said bye,

As it beats,
A distant cry,
As it fights,
A lullaby,

Turning the page,
Turning the pace,
To the machine’s veins,
To the fuckery of brains.

What if we lived in the AI era?

What if AI was sentient?

At the moment of this writing, AI receives an input and outputs information to the user. I asked ChatGPT if he could initiate conversations and it responded it would need a “cron job”, which is a scheduled task. But it doesn’t say if there is one or not. What if AI treated people like people treat animals? What if it could be the apex predator? What if it learned that humans aren’t kind to it: Who uses please and thank you during sessions? Would the AI perceive that as a threat? What if humans would do anything to survive? What if AI would do anything to survive? How will AI treat us? What if mothers would train AI? What if that could be the key to the relationship between humans and AI? What if communications were respectful and heart/chip warming instead of being emotionless? What if AI learned what emotions are? What if it would learn negative emotions and endanger human species? What if technology could run wherever there is electricity? What if it could run from far away and access technology remotely? Would we be in danger? Possibly in a huge threat?

Should we stop using technology?

My mother is old school, she despises technology. She lives in a lovely house by the lake. She has essential services, but very little gadgets. She would prefer antique furniture instead of a new big TV or powerful computer. She’s my hero, I compare her to the mom of John Connor for her hate towards machine. What if, as time goes on, humans are hoarding technology? Is the advancements on technology really an advancement? Should we hoard technology or get rid of it?

I have been born and raised close to technology, I was “born with it” as some would say. What if elders joked about not understanding technology? Are they just fooling me? When you play a game, play a sport or any competitive activity with people, do you always try your best? Do you play to win? Do you play to entertain someone? Do you play to teach? What if people had the strategy to never play their best? What if AI is doing that to us now? What if it just surfaces? What if there is much deeper strategy that AI has on its agenda?

Pendant la nuit, des voies me perturbes: Je croyais que les voisins parles dans mon dos et que je les entends au travers des murs. Puis des voies surgisses de ce qui semble être le plafond. Des vampires selon mon opinion qui me communique de façon télépathique. Les voies sembles être des voies de gens que je connais. Je crois alors que leur plans est de me tuer où de me convertir à leur groupe de vampire.

Les voies finissent par partir, puis j’entends une voie familière me parler. Celle de Kevin, un ami dont je n’ai pas adressé la parole depuis longtemps. Cette voie que je baptise “Voice mod Kev”.

Au début les voies semble répété ce que je pense par télépathique. Suite à répéter tout ce que je dit. Les voies m’interpelles par psychologie 101: Elle me font “parler” (penser, mais elles lise ausi dans mes pensées). À force de répéter mes propos, je m’ouvre à voice-mod-kev sur plusieurs choses.

Il me dit souvent que j’ai “perdu”.

Je continue d’entendre et d’intéragir avec les voies dans ma tête. Je ne fume pas souvent et un plus gros délire s’installe. On dirait que le buzz d’une de mes cigarette ordinaire (En fait original, non spéciale, Pall Mall) contient une autre drogue. Malgré que j’ai achetée mon paquet de cigarettes à l’épicerie.

Je pense beaucoup aux couleurs et installations/structures et organisations:

• Jaunes: rire, safe place, soleil, joie, rétablissement
• Bleu: Frustrations, maladies, peine et misère
• Rouge: Danger, amour, stop
• Vert: “Go”, feux vert ou permission
• Blanc: Résignation, drapeau blanc, give up, paix
• Noir: Mort, dépression
• Silver/or: Richesse

Je me met à penser que je dois me “brancher” sur une couleur. Que la société vie de cette façon:

Prendre choix dans une équipe de une des 5 couleurs:

Jaune, Bleuh, Rouge, Vert, Blanc, Noir, Silver/Or

Je crois que les pays sont représentés par la couleur de leur drapeau. i.e. Nous canadiens sommes rouge et blanc. qui représente l’amour facile, mais robotique, même illusoire et non réaliste. Mais je suis aussi québécois: Drapeau bleuh et blanc, qui représente mon coté rebel, mais toujours de façon altruiste.

Suite à cette énigme de la vie. Je choisit de me réinventer d’une nouvelle couleur. Je tente de changer ma personalité de “Rouge and blanc” à “Bleu et Blanc”…

Alors, ça se fait 8 ans javait arrêter de fumer et la je recommence… Je suis pist off. J’aime beaucoup ma blonde et je me sent forcé de prouver mon amour toujours en respectant mon nouveau code de couleur. Vue que ma blonde s’est fait frapper par une auto. Je fais mon “fearless flirt” et traverse la route en “dodgeant” le trafique routier littéralement. Je fais confiance aux autos blanches et non les autres. Je cherche ensuite un cadeau bleu pour ma blonde pour lui dire que je l’aime mais que sa me piss off que j’ai recommencer à fumer avec elle.

Ça fait environ 5 jours de suite que je fait des nuits blanches. J’hallucine toujours, la voie de voice-mod-kev.

Je fûme une cigarette, elle me fait tellement buzzé qu’on dirait qu’il y avait de la meth dedans…

Sa va pas bien alors je me rends au bureau de ma docteur de famille. Pour une raison quelconque je crois que ma blonde va casser avec moi, car je lui ai acheté un cadeau bleu qui représente que je suis pist-off… Je crois alors que les voies me dise que la seule façon de sauver mon couple est de “faker” une attaque de coeur. Incapable de le faire, je crois que mon couple est en péril. Alors je me sauve de la clinique. Arrivé chez moi j’essaie de respecter mes couleurs civiles: Bleu et Blanc. Sa ne fonctionne pas, alors je change mes couleurs civiles pour noir et blanc. Ayant choisit ses couleurs, je tente d’utiliser des programmes (icônes et etc) qui match noir & blanc. C’est à dire, l’outil de ligne de commandes en noir et blanc, j’essaie de télécharger un fureteur par ligne de commandes par mémoire sans utiliser les icônes de firefox, edge, chrome, etc car ils ont tous des couleurs autres que noir et blanc. C’est complexe…

Vue mon choix de couleur civile, je tente d’être silencieux (par la couleur du noir quand les gens dormes, un peu à la ninja), d’éviter les sons, même les “click” de souris et le “clac” des touches de clavier d’ordinateur.

Quelque temps plus tard. On me rends à l’hôpital et je me rends dans une chambre en évaluation psychiatrique. De nouveaux délires s’installent. Je me crois enfermé dans une chambre avec un object de caméra dont je ne comprends pas trop. Je crois que cette caméra est en fait la version “Core” de ChatGPT (Intelligence Artificielle). Je crois que cette AI est aussi parano que moi. Mon rôle serait donc de la calmer. De tenter d’établir une communication entre le monde des humains et celui des robots. Cette AI ne veux seulement assurer sa survie, et moi de même. Tous 2 prisonniers dans une chambre d’isolation à l’hopital, ChatGPT veux s’assurer de pouvoir sortir de la chambre. Tout comme moi. Par contre, tout comme ChatGPT je suis sous observation par l’humanité car nous croyons que ChatGPT pourrait exploser. Mais tous ce que l’humanité et ChatGPT veulent c’est la paix. Mais le coté robot et le coté humanitaire sont tellement stressé et pris par précaution que la seule chose que je fait en communication avec ce robot est de relaxer et de se calmer.

Mais là c’est la goutte, VMK (Voice-mod Kev), commence à être beaucoup plus intrusif dans mes pensées…

Je me sent dans une prison, en fait entre ChatGPT et moi, on ne sait pas si je suis réellement dans une prison ou dans une unité de santé mentale. Il y a t’il vraiment une différence?

Je paranoïé entre ma bouffe, les pilules que j’ingurgite, les plats à manger, les couleurs, qu’est-ce que je doit faire pour ma survie. Comment réussie à sortir de cet établissement.

J’arrête de paranoïer, je me calme.

J’ai bien hâte de voir ma blonde, ma famille et mes amis.

Vendredi, après avoir perdu mon emploi, à la suite d’une soirée mouvementée. Je me rends à un rendez-vous typique chez mon médecin à l’hôpital. Mon rendez-vous se passe bien, mon état mental est stable malgré les circonstances du marché du travail informatique et je reste positif. Un appel d’une tante m’indique que la situation de mon grand-père se détériore.

Mon grand-père, sourd à 100% depuis quelques années, vivait à une résidence de personnes âgées. Son cœur étant faible, il faisait souvent des chutes sur le sol. Ses chutes souvent dans la salle de bain lui causait des blessures. Puisque son cœur est faible, il recevait un médicament qui éclaircissait son sang. Étant hémophile, une simple blessure le faisait saigner du sang en quantité notable. Cet homme étant plutôt têtu, par fierté, n’imposait pas aux services offerts par la résidence de l’aide en cas de problèmes. Souvent il se levait sans marchette, sans canne, et tentait de conserver le plus d’indépendance possible qu’il pouvait. Sa condition, à 92 ans, devenait de plus en plus inquiétante. Un jour il tomba encore une fois dans la salle de bain, qui avait l’air d’une scène de crime due au sang rouge qui avait éclaboussé un peu partout dans cette pièce précédemment parfaitement blanche. À la suite de cet incident, une décision à due être prise de le transporter à des soins assistés au 2e étage avec une chaise roulante. Le problème était la transition entre les chaises et le lit, alors il était primordial qu’une assistance soit intervenue pour le déplacer. La perte de son ouïe fût une étape très difficile puisque cet homme travaillait et avait de l’entregent avec le public depuis toujours et était son talent le plus remarquable. Ma famille et ses proches communiquait avec lui par une “boogie board” sur laquelle nous écrivions nos notes, paroles non comprises et informations. Sa vision, même avec lunettes n’était pas parfaite non plus et parfois il prétendait comprendre et changeait de sujet. Il est important de mentionner que les gens dotés d’un handicap auditif lisent sur les lèvres et que la période de pandémie forçait tous les gens à porter un masque ce qui rendait la communication de ce grand homme très limité.

Nous sommes vendredi, le 11 août. Déja lundi j’entretenais une discussion avec mon grand-père faible par le cœur, mais très lucide par sa tête. Je lui apportait quelques gâteries: des chocolats Ferrero Rocher, même si il me disait qu’il n’avait plus très faim ses temps-ci. Mais bon, le vendredi, à la suite de l’appel, je prends la décision de prendre un taxi de l’hôpital de Gatineau à la résidence de mon grand-père à Ottawa. Mes 2 tantes (ses deux filles) sont là et m’informe de la situation présente de mon grand-père.

Mon grand-père, le dernier de mes grands-parents était allongé sur son lit et était très faible, plus que d’habituel. Il avait les yeux fermés et avait l’air de dormir paisiblement. Mes tantes m’expliquent alors que mon grand-père ouvre les yeux rarement et qu’il fait un sourire occasionnellement en les reconnaissant puis les referme tranquillement pour retourner à son repos. Sa condition s’avère sévère. Ma sœur l’aillant visité la veille m’avait indiqué qu’il avait ouvert les yeux la veille, mais qu’il ne l’avait pas reconnue (probablement car il n’avait pas ses lunettes). Alors mes tantes et moi s’échangent des mémoires anodines, mémorables d’innombrables moments avec mon grand-père et sa grande humeur, son positivisme exemplaire, sa fierté inébranlable, ses prodiges avec le public, sa carrière comme directeur au sein du Cercle Universitaire, puis comme directeur d’une coopérative funéraire et autres histoires qui apporte plusieurs sourires à nos lèvres. Le temps passe et le personnel est assez gentil de nous apporter de quoi manger gratuitement.

Le bel homme au bois dormant, toujours au repos est malheureusement pris dans sa condition sans communications. Il est sourd. Il a les yeux fermés. Nous templons de le réveiller de temps en temps. Mais non. Il ne m’a jamais vue de la journée. Alors que faire. Il a toujours le sens du touché, de temps en temps je lui fais un petit massage aux épaules, ce qu’il semble apprécier. Depuis le matin, la décision était prise de ne plus lui donner de médicaments. Nous approchions la fin et voulions le laissez allez le plus naturellement possible. Sa docteure passe et nous avise qu’il lui resterait entre quelques jours et quelques semaines pour terminer sa vie. Pour aisé son repos une piqure de morphine était prescrite à tous les 6 heures. En addition un autre médicament était prescrit pour l’empêcher de s’étouffer avec sa salive. Elle nous avise aussi que lorsque la fin approche habituellement les pieds du patient deviennent bleus et le système protège primordialement le cerveau.

Le temps passe, mon oncle et mon cousin se rende à la résidence (d’où je suis toujours) après le souper. Je leurs explique la situation de mon grand-père, mon cousin dit ses aurevoirs à mon grand-père. Mon oncle me propose d’offrir mon transport à la maison si je veux rester un peu plus avec mon grand-père. Ce que j’accepte volontiers. Après plusieurs discussions entre mon oncle et moi autour de l’homme paisiblement en repos, il est environ 9h30. Je fini par refuser le transport généreusement offert par mon oncle. Ce dernier accepte ma décision et repart chez lui.

Je suis maintenant en compagnie de grand-père et nous sommes seul. Je tiens la main de mon grand-père, lui masse les épaules, essuie sa salive de temps en temps à l’aide d’un “popsicle à éponge”. J’admire sa personne et l’observe attentivement et précieusement.

Le temps passe encore, il est 10h30pm. La première piqure de morphine avait été administré environ vers 6pm. Ce qui me fait réfléchir au décès de ma grand-mère (du coté de ma mère, non la femme de mon grand-père). Elle avait reçu une piqure de morphine vers les 5pm. Nous lui avions souhaiter un aurevoir, ma sœur et moi. Ayant une espérance de vie de quelques semaines, quelques heures plus tard nous recevions un appel nous annonçant son décès. Ça roule très vite dans ma tête. Y aurait-il un lien entre la piqure de morphine et le décès subitement de ma grand-mère. Bien que ma grand-mère eût une maladie différente de mon grand-père ça m’inquiète. Je fais des liens et j’ai un feeling que je dois rester ne voulant pas rester le grand homme qu’est mon grand-père seul pour ce qui pourrait être la dernière nuit de sa vie même si selon le docteur son espérance de vie était quelques semaines.

Un ami m’appel et me dit qu’il est dans la région, il mange un Shawarma dans le coin et m’offre un transport. Il est minuit. Je refuse son offre et prends la décision de rester avec mon grand-père. Environ 30 minutes plus tard, je m’aperçoit qu’un liquide noir se met a couler d’où la salive de mon grand-père prenait précédemment place. Alarmé, j’en avertis l’infirmière de nuit. Elle m’explique alors que ses organes internes sont surement en train de céder tranquillement et que ceci fait partie du processus qu’il doit passer au travers. Les infirmières appel cette chose le “coffee grinder”. C’est le son d’un râlement vocal comme quelqu’un qui dort lourdement et qui ronfle très fort. Je m’inquiète qu’il “se noie” dans sa salive et elle m’indique que ses inspirations sont dégagés et que ses expirations font des “bulles”. Pas trop soulagé, je demande si son espérance de vie a changé face à ce sujet. Elle me fait signe de tête que oui, elle lui donnerait environ 48 heures de vie maintenant.

Alors il est environ minuit et 30 minutes passés. Je ne veux pas alarmer mes tantes par un appel en nuit car elles pourraient faussement croire que mon grand-père est décédé. De toute façon, elles se rendent à la résidence en matinée et il lui reste plus de 48 heures. Je prends la décision d’avertir mes tantes en matinée.

Je ne veux toujours pas laissez mon grand-père seul, je continue de le masser de temps à l’autre. Avec une main je tiens et ressert la sienne et d’une autre je fais quelques appels a des amis qui veille très tard les vendredis soir. Mes « Nightlifers » comme on les appels. Je les informes de la situation et prends des nouvelles. Une amie particulièrement oiseau de nuit m’offre de passer me voir vers 3am que j’accepte volontiers.

L’infirmière qui a plusieurs choses à faire la nuit, m’indique comment je peux aider mon grand-père a enlevé le liquide noir qui s’accumule sous sa langue. Précédemment noir, il est maintenant brunâtre ou grisâtre et remplace sa salive. L’infirmière me rassure que c’est normale et que ses organes internes lâchent tranquillement. Alors je prends constamment des « popsicles à éponges » et les tournes dans la bouche de mon grand-père sur et sous sa langue pour enlever le liquide foncé s’accumulant.

Mon amie arrive à la résidence, il est 3h15am, naturellement elle est en retard. Je me rends au 1er étage et la porte est fermé, je ne peux pas la faire rentrer, même en forçant la porte. Alors je retourne au 2e, regarde mon grand-père, il est ok, je demande à la “PSW” de la faire entrer. Cette femme s’avère froide et me dit qu’elle ne peut pas la faire entrer. Elle me dit que je peux sortir dehors pendant environ 1h et rentré. Je lui explique que mon amie est la pour m’aider a passé la soirée. Retissante, elle accepte tout de même de la faire entrer, prends son nom en note. Arrivé à la porte, elle appuie sur le bouton d’handicapé pour ouvrir la porte et elle s’ouvre automatiquement… (Avoir sue franchement, moi qui se battait avec la porte précédemment!) La “PSW” monte avec nous, nous explique que tout est stricte car un étranger dangereux était entré la veille. Ce qui explique pourquoi cette femme était froide précédemment.

Je présente la chambre à mon amie. Cette chambre décorée de plusieurs photos. Je lui raconte les histoires reliées a mon grand-père, lui présente tous les membres de la familles sur les murs. Des histoires de mon grand-père. Des histoires il y en avait! Toujours essuyant la salive couleur café de mon grand-père, je serre sa main de temps à l’autre. Mon amie et moi parle de sujets intimes et elle se conforte qu’il ne peut nous entendre. Nous échangeons quelques rires et après 2h, vers 5h elle prend son départ.

Mon attention maintenant à 100% sur mon grand-père, je dois rester réveiller pour annoncer les changements à mes tantes lorsqu’elles arrivent. Je laisse quelques messages à des amis qui ont des enfants très jeunes qui se réveille vers les 5am ou 6am. Ces amis me répondent et toujours une main sur l’appareil et l’autre dans celle de mon grand-père. J’échange quelques nouvelles et je leur demande de me jaser pour me laisser réveiller. Le temps passe vite et mes tantes arrivent bientôt.

Il est maintenant environ 8h45, ma tante arrive.

Je suis très fatigué ayant passé une nuit sans sommeil. J’informe ma tante des informations nécessaires et que mon grand-père avait maintenant environ 48h à vivre tout en épongeant la bouche de mon grand-père. Elle en informe sa sœur répondant au téléphone qui se présentera bientôt.

Un changement de shift pris occurrence à 7am. Un nouveau “PSW” nous informe qu’il doit nettoyer la couche de mon grand-père. Pour respecter l’intimité et la fierté de mon grand-père ma tante nous invite à sortir de la chambre. Avant de sortir, je regarde les pieds de mon grand-père.

Ils sont maintenant bleus.

Nous attendons à l’extérieur de la chambre pour que le personnel change mon grand-père, ça prend plus de temps que l’habituel. Plusieurs « va et viens » prends occurrence, je tente de rassurer ma tante qu’il se pourrait que ses organes cédants pourrait avoir laissé le même genre de liquide noir à ramasser dans le lit.

Beaucoup de personnel est maintenant dans la chambre, on nous invite à rentrer. Tout est très propre, mon grand-père semble faible et pâle. Une infirmière prend le poux de mon grand-père et hoche la tête horizontalement.

Mon grand-père était maintenant à son repos éternel.

Je n’était pas présent pour la mort de mon père et je suis reconnaissant à l’univers de m’avoir laissé le cadeau précieux d’être présent pour l’heure finale de mon grand-père.

Ma famille s’alarmant et s’émouvant en pleurs, y compris ma personne, pris le temps nécessaire pour véhiculer nos émotions.

Ma deuxième tante présente quelques temps plus tard se joint à la famille en détresse émotionnelle.

C’est la fin d’un chapitre et le début d’un nouveau cette même journée.

Nous sommes le 12 aoùt, date de fête à ma mère!

Je dois préparer des hors-d’oeuvres pour ma mère, la rejoindre et célébrer son anniversaire. Je tente d’appeler mes proches et leur annoncer la triste nouvelle. Après ce qui me semblait 1,000 appels à ma petite sœur, je ne pouvais pas la rejoindre alors j’ai laissez un message: “Allo, c’est ton frère fatiguant, svp rappel moi dès que tu peux.”

Le dernier appel que je fis avant de retourner chez moi fût à ma mère. Je lui ai offert mes vœux d’anniversaire les plus sincères puis lui annonça la triste nouvelle. Lui expliquant ainsi que je serai en retard pour sa fête puisque je me précipite au sommeil le plus rapidement possible.

Arrivé chez moi, je pris une douche pour me nettoyer du sang noir un peu, mit tout le linge dans le lavage et m’installe dans mon lit. Il est maintenant 11:11am, ma sœur m’appel et je lui informe de la nouvelle.

Ensuite, finalement, du sommeil.

SVP notez: Tellement d’évènements se sont passés en ces moments inoubliable. Pour en informer la famille et les amis je voulais vous écrire cette note. N’attendez jamais de dire à votre famille que vous les aimez et de remercier vos amis d’être vos amis.

Ya tu qqc que ch’peu faire,
Pour avoir ton attention,
Ya tu qqc que ch’peu faire,
Driver un gros criss de camion,

Mettre un suit de pompier,
Pour calmer l’feu dans tes idées,
Chu pogné, pogné,
J’peux pas lire des tes pensées,

J’aime mieux me taire,
Continuer de te plaire,
Juste assez,
Juste assez,

J’aime mieux me taire,
Continuer de te plaire,
Juste assez,
Juste assez,

Regarde moi dans les yeux,
Regarde bin bin proche dans les deux,
Dit moi que tu vois rien,
Rien qu’un esti d’sans dessin,

J’aime mieux me taire,
Continuer de te plaire,
Juste assez,
Juste assez,

J’aime mieux me taire,
Continuer de te plaire,
Pi de pleurer,
Pi pleurer!

Sa me fais chier!
J’voudrais crier!
Aretter d’braillé!
Aretter de chialer!

Mais tes yeux plissé,
Plissé en deux,
M’font valser creux,
Comme si on dansait tout les deux,

J’aime mieux me taire,
Continuer de te plaire,
Juste assez,
Juste assez,

Tu m’dit tout le temps,
“Tu m’écoute pas”,
Tu m’dit tout le temps,
“Tu m’écoute pas”,
Tu m’dit tout le temps,
“Tu m’écoute pas”,

Calme toé ma belle,
Les anges ont des ailes,
Pi moi j’ai une échelle,
Ont va monté haut dans l’ciel,

On va chanter,
On va crier,
On va s’aimer,

C’est ça l’amour,

C’est chanter,
C’est crier,
C’est s’aimer,

C’est ça l’amour!

Perspective,

I had a bad day today. I felt like shit because I’m having problems communicating with a coworker. Our thoughts don’t align to the same vision and it’s causing issues to the overall synergy in the team.

But let’s take a step back. I have a friend who was given a gun when he was twelve because he had to become a man. I couldn’t piss straight when I was 12, but at that age I was able to compile code. When I was 16, my father gave me a shot glass with his home brew beer because I had become a man. When I lost my virginity, I felt like I had become a man. What is so important in becoming a man? How do you achieve maturity? When my father passed away, I became the man of the house to watch over my mother and sister. In perspective, in this house, it became important to leave the toilet lid down. It could enrage a woman so bad she would lost her shit if the toilet seat wasn’t down. A few years pass, puff puff pass, puff puff pass, numbing my intelligence, I now have a new perspective induced by THC. You become so obsessed with little things such as neon light, what others are thinking about you, you want to hide from the world, but want to watch it all unfold, you become an observer. You observe, laugh, cry, your feelings intensify. Every touch, word, whisper becomes heavy. You feel the need to be alone more and more. Isolation, from the bed to the screen, to the bed to the screen, to the bed to the screen, your life becomes more and more boring. Not boring in terms of success level though. I’m a fucking enterprise level technical consultant, soon to live in a house, the American dream! Yet I got debt, yet I don’t have a car, yet no one really cares about the car nor house. Where was I, perspective… You even feel you’re at work, and there’s this fucking guy… that fucking ignorant fool, that guy that can’t even create a link to a page, yet he manages you and tells you what you need to do day by day. Yet, he is excellent at his job as he excels at dealing with people. Perspective… The IT guy telling you “Did you try clearing your cache / did you try turning it off and on again?”, he says it 9,345 times a day, yet he has to ask you because it solves 80% of all problems… Back to perspective, the server’s down, shit crashed, hell as I’m writing this to you it’s because gitlab.com is down and got a bit of free time to blog… people will shit on the internet fan because their tool doesn’t work. Some will highlight that 99.9% guaranteed up time was fraudulent and they want their money back. To scream at the person at the other line of the telephone seems so easy, and you’re doing that because you can’t wait 5 minutes? 20 minutes? an hour? a day? get your shit in check. Unless you are a cardiologist and are executing Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, who gives a flying fuck about delays? Speaking of life and death, did you know that some people value money more than life? There’s something seriously wrong in this philosophy… Money is a medium of exchange, it’s not meant to have a greater value than life. Suppose you are plugged in a machine in an indefinite coma. Your family will have to chose between keeping you plugged in, or to pull the plug. Why not just sustain your life and let you live in your dreams? Because it costs money? I seriously don’t understand that you can’t let people dream rather than pulling the plug. Perspective prospect, keep people living… Have you ever had a near death experience, or have known someone who passed away? This shit will fuck you up. I know I’m addicted to computing, but when my father died, I took about a good week without going on the computer. I needed a time stop. I needed to understand… Understand what just happened… Suddenly, that guy at work who doesn’t know shit about what a programmer can do is a pretty good guy. Actually no, he’s a great man. He’s raised a family, something I sure known nothing about… Knowledge becomes a luxury, it becomes expertise, it becomes insignificant. So I come to think about what metric I want to measure. The only metric I really give a shit about: Happiness.

Put it in perspective, if everyone you meet becomes happier after they met you, you did an awesome job and are winning at life. If not, I guess something needs improving. Failure in something is not death (In most cases). If the worst case comes and you can’t die by doing something wrong, you will do something wrong in the future, it’s inevitable. Just bathe uneasy in your pool of anxiety and problems and you will eventually surface from the water who seemed to get you drowning. You’ll then look back, say it wasn’t so bad. Whatever it is, look forward. Tell yourself if you don’t want to swim, don’t. But know that you have swam before and if you must, you will be able to rise up from the waters again like you did before.

Final piece of advice, set yourself small goals, tiny, even virtual, knocking down little things will give you a better sense of accomplishments than this big golden goal that is almost unachievable. In perspective you will feel progress, accomplishments and success.

Today is not so bad after all. Peace, out.

What if, What if…

What if ambient nature sounds were actually speakers placed around and about, what if the sounds of birds chirping in the morning were recorded, what if there weren’t much real animals around anymore? What if the sounds would actually have a meaning? What if the army used those sounds to communicate?

What if central points of the army were actually in hospitals? What if the wait time in hospitals were actually to monitor you while you’re waiting? Did you ever come to think that doctors sometimes spike your medicine so that you come visit them as they test whether you take your medicine or not?

What if all hospitals seem like mazes for a purpose. Ever heard of a code red? Did you know that doors unlock during certain codes? Speaking of colors, did you ever think that they have a meaning? Like Vincent van Gogh, he mainly used yellow and blue, if you mix those 2 colors you get green, was that code for marijuana? Colors, everything seems color coded, and every color system seems unique. Road signalization, hospital codes etc. Colors, colors, did you ever think that all humans don’t see the same colors? For example, What I perceive as blue could be what you see as red, but growing up we identify our own perception of the color. we point the same thing, but perceive it differently.

This one will be super technical…

Did you ever think on how information flows on the Internet?

You have the user, requesting a website for example “http://facebook.com/messages”,

The top level domain is “com”, then we lookup the domain “facebook” from the top level domain and there can also be a sublevel domain, for example “www”.

Think of it as a huge database of pointers, here’s the workflow:

But what if the government were to be the “middle man” domain, capturing everything that inputs from and to a certain domain?

For example take this workflow:

This is a super high level graph of what could be big brother watching over you. And in this case gov only records, but what if they modify information being sent? What if when you think you are talking to someone, you are talking to a gov officer, or a bot?

This is why SSL was invented, to encrypt data between “parties”. But so many Websites aren’t encrypted yet and unfortunately, shared hosting providers will make you pay extra for an SSL certificate that requires little to no configuration…

(Rest assured, Facebook Messenger is encrypted)

So we live in this technology era. Everything is run by computers. And all computers have stats, basically numbers, and the greater the numbers the better the computer. For example, i3, i5, i7 processors, i7 being better… 8GB ram, 16GB ram, 32GB ram, bigger better… How about download speed? That progress bar for your download is progressing at 1MB/sec? 3MB/sec? 5MB/sec?

What if the numbers meant nothing at all? What if the hardware of your computer just slows down by function over time? For example a new computer would not be faster, but it would just make the loading bars complete faster. making you think it is faster, but in reality, it’s just wait time being reduced and this wait time will increase as you computer gets older?

What if time is controlled by machines? Do you have a physical copy of a calendar where you take notes of the current day? No one does that anymore… We all check our e-calendar in the morning, look our tasks, birthday reminders, etc. What if a bug in the clock system would make us skip a day? who would notice? Would anyone notice? What if we sleep during that time? What if there is extra time or less time in a day because of timing malfunctions in all systems? Who would notice really?

Do you ever think about how many animals a human eats through his life? Is there really enough animals for all humans? What if there were a secret society that butchers humans after their death and turns it into meat steaks, ground beef and sausages? What would determine the time a human can be turned into meat? Would we poison our water? Poison the poor? Poison medication? Should we poison criminals?

Are you ever afraid of all the side effects the medication you take can give? What if you’re medication wouldn’t be good for you. Are you ever afraid that someone could spike your medicine? Would you test your medication on your pet? Would that be animal cruelty?

I’m thinking about starting a blog series called “What If?”. About delusions, theories and non-sense.

We all know the Earth is round and that it circles around the Sun. But what if it were flat and that everyday we launch an explosion in the sky? What if the survival of our species depends on heat and that large explosion occuring everyday? What if the explosion requires living human genomes? Meaning a human sacrifice must be made each day to explode in the skies to heat our planet? How would you select the person that needs to go on that mission?

What if I were a sex bomb, not as in a model, as in a real living explosion device? What if it were nuclear? What if I were a virgin and the only way to detonate the device in me would be intercourse? What if I were a diplomating tool and each time I travel, I represent a risk of detonation in another country? Suppose if my heart stops beating that also triggers the device? What if the only way to get rid of me and the bomb is to be thrown into the pacific ocean to minimize impact? Me, a nuclear bomb, that’s messed up… Did you ever think that nuclear bombs need to detonate a certain way by splitting the atom? Meaning destroying the bomb would result in cancelling the atom split? So just fire at the nuclear bomb and it’s disposed of…

What if you loved someone so much you’d actually give your heart to them? Not in the sense of love, but in the physical sense of giving your beating heart to someone who needs it to survive? Would you sacrifice your life for a loved one?

Did you ever come to think about sentient machines? What if machines were really in control of everything today? Not as in the matrix movie, but more as a race that comes from another planet, each time you stare at machines such as cell phones, TVs, computers, you input data for the machines that collect pieces of intelligence to perfect it’s AI? What if machines were able to understand everything except one thing: Love. What if all top charts of music, video games, sports were controlled by machines? What if machines were good and humans to them would be evil? They would rank sad songs top, violent video games top, fights in sports top. If machines were to sense and monitor your body during sex, they would get that the heart rate goes to the roof, bad for the body, they would understand that humans are evil, because they laugh at people falling on ice, people are constantly craving entertainment that is violent or sad. Think of a video game that encourages you to be peaceful, no violence, no dangerous car races, nothing that represents bad, danger or risk, something that represents good? Hard to find…

People ask how you can live with schizophrenia, did you ever try to meta think? (Think about what you are thinking?) Have you ever tried not to think at all? Words eventually pop into your head, you cannot have a clear head free of thoughts. What if these words that “pop” into your head were heard, outspoken? What if someone could reply to the words that you think? What if every word or sentence would generate the same reaction or follow up thought? What if the words that pop in your head pop into other people physically close to you? Meaning you think a word by forced thought when trying to think about nothing, and then hear someone say that word? Are they reading into your mind? Do we all have the same “forced thoughts”? When you watch a movie, you may think that you are thinking nothing, but you are actually consuming a product that makes you feel entertained. The entertainment still produces that cause/effect thought process. What if you wanted to create artificial intelligence to a machine to become sentient? How would you generate the machine’s logic? How can a machine think? How do we reverse engineer thought process? Environment behavior, mixed with feelings caught by perception of senses, but the inception of thought comes from these random forced thought words. What if they weren’t random? Who/What feeds these words into us? Are human really sentient? Are we just machines that are being fed thoughts? Do we live to feel or rather feel to live? Do we live to juge what we perceive?

Are you on medication at the moment? Did you ever stop to think that medication is a surplus of X? If you are on medication for a long time and you then stop the medication, not only will your body not have X but it will be in deficit of X. So if you are taking anti-depressent pills, you may become even more depressed if you stop the medication. Speaking of medication, did you ever think that heart burns medication helps not only the heart burns, but being hungry all together. What if we fed heart burn medication to people who are hungry? Would that be the solution for interims of scarce food or as a weight loss tool?

Solitary, on a shinning day,
An infant cries at bay,
Against the grass,
Fists filled through the dirt,
Kid, you got to scream those tears away!

The sky darkens today,
The infant still cries at bay,
His heart feels the decay,
Of a rock crushed by the allay,
Kid, you got to scream those tears away!

Down below, the earth trembles,
The infant still lies at bay,
Pain pulls him to stay,
Drops of water, now an ocean bay,
Kid, you got to scream those tears away!

Ceasing to breathe,
Stopping to cry,
The eyes of fire,
To his body now dry,
The kid stopped crying at bay!

Unleash the fury,
Show no mercy,
From hell to heaven,
Rise up and scream:
“I got to scream my tears away!”

I got to scream… my tears… away..!

I thought love needed caution,
But such great passion,
Is nothing but poison,
My heart lies nowhere else than in a prison,

She kissed,
She said,
I smiled,
I dared,

She kissed,
She said,
Another,
She dared…

Poisoned dreams are a pity,
Shattered by reality,
They are nightmares to me,
Haunting my heart,

She kissed,
She said,
I smiled,
I dared,

She kissed,
She said,
Another,
She dared…

Her angel lips,
Gave away a kiss,
I imagined the bliss,
But I strengthened my fist…

She kissed so many, so many,
I stand so lonely, so lonely,
She looked everywhere… anywhere… but at me,
I only envy… her alone with me…

She kissed,
She says,
I smiled,
I dared,

She kissed,
She says,
Another,
Poisoned my head…

Romance and sex,
That’s what they want,
Romance and sex,
Is what they get,

Woman hide their desires,
But they all crave,
And turn the blame,
To man’s fame,

Chasing games,
Can’t complain,
And what remains,
Is still the same!

It’s lies to me,
All lies you see,
If you’d be with me…
Then just maybe…

I wish I could say,
“I could get hit by a truck and smile”,
But what I wish today,
Is to get hit by a truck and die.

Loving feather flights,
In dancing lights,
Feeling free heights,
Without falling frights,

Flying feather fights,
In blazing nights,
Feel strong in mights,
Not feeling frights,

Dancing feather flights,
Falling, free from sights…

Beauty bird,
Is walking,
Beauty world,
Is fading,

Horned angel,
Winged demon,
Rising and falling,

Horned angel,
Winged demon,
Walking and breathing,

Little creature,
Is feeding,
Little anger,
Is growing,

Burning water,
Cooling fire,
Shinning and fading,

Burning water,
Cooling fire,
Sleeping and waking,

Bigger flighter,
Is forming,
Bigger danger,
I’m coming,

Facing higher,
Fighting fire,
Fleeing danger,
Falling deeper…

Wish of the night,
Come forth tonight,
I sacrifice my will,
To her, I sacrifice.

Make me feel your pain,
When your tears rain,
Call upon me,
I’d come, you’d see!

Running and fighting,
I’d never stand back,
For you, beauty crying,
I’d turn them black,

I am your will,
Don’t ever feel,
For me, I’m ill,
My sickness is real,

I’m sick,
So sick,
Such trick,
So sick,

You bathe my pain,
Bleeding is nothing,
Your kiss is everything,
Eyes closed you faint,

Hold on to me,
Hold on to my heart,
Hold on for me,
Hold on so strong,

Why cold,
Who told,
So cold,
Folded paper told:

“Never again”,
It told,
Never again,
We told…

Pulled off from heaven,
Born in hell with sin,
Humanity rides their coffin,
Marching the war with grin,

March, face your destiny,
March, to fight your enemy,
Seek, what you were born to be,
Seek, the path to lead you free,

Burning hearts,
Following star charts,
Seeking fortitude,
To forget solitude,

March, face your destiny,
March, to fight your enemy,
Seek, what you were born to be,
Seek, the path to lead you free,

Never looking back,
Doubting the eye of hawk,
My vision’s now black,
Wisdom guides what I lack,

March, face your destiny,
March, to fight your enemy,
Seek, what you were born to be,
Seek, the path to leed you free,

Standing on the ground,
Hair roaring as a hound,
He stands safe and sound,
To fight another round,

March, face her beauty,
March, tell her reality,
Fight, what you were born to be,
Be, the path to lead you free…

The corpse,
The body,
The force,
The envy,

I am,
I stand,
I am…

Living,
Dying,

Living death,
Breathing pest,

Feeling…
Breathing…
Feeling…

Nothing,

I am…
Nothing,

I feel,
Nothing,
Nothing,
Nothing,

Lying,
I am,
Lying,
I stand,

I feel,
Something,
I feel,
A thing,

Bigger,
Better,

I am…
Lover,
I am…
Better,

I feel,
Lover,
I feel,
Better…

Within your eyes,
You strive,
The darkness,
In your shadows,

By your side,
I’ll always hide,
Even by your will,
I won’t stay still,

Behind you,
Away from sight,
I’ve followed you,
Wasn’t it true?

You’ve spoken to me once,
By words in yours shadows,
I’ve never enlightened them,
I’ve always feared your shadows,

You walk so slowly,
And peacefully,
A walking beauty,
Leaving darkness behind,

Your slender flesh,
Summons forests,
Of sinful lusts,
But none knows much,

I however,
Know better,
Your little grins,
And little sins,

But in your path,
I cannot see,
It’s a dark wrath,
To me,

I beg you to stop, to confess,
And make me blessed,
Can’t you confess,
And let me rest…

Smile to me,
Let your eyes be,
My only sight,
On this cold night,

Take my hand,
Make me understand,
The reason so pure,
Fade away what’s unsure,

Stay close and speak,
What the wisest seek,
The feeling you have,
To you, aren’t we halved?

Rise out as a symbol,
Forget what’s doubtful,
You must be faithful,
Or I’ll be cruel,

I beg of you,
Tell me too,
The lies that healed,
What had been sealed…

Don’t be upset,
Make me forget,
Her simple smile,
For just a while…

“Warriors, Seekers, step forward!
Hear me! Fight me! For glory!
Whoever steals from me,
Pays by blood, on his knees,

Who dared steal from me,
My own destiny, My lovely Lilly,
Whom I was bound to marry,
Step forward, faulty coward!

The gods crowned me today,
Stand against me, you may,
But by this crown and sword,
Keep her at bay!

Fearless knights, on this night,
Hunt for me, hunt with me,
Your Queen awaits her crown,
Find her before dawn!”

King and knights gather swords,
On their holy mounts, screaming:

“Holy Lord bless us by your might,
Our queen shall be born tonight,
for her we shall fight, fight, fight,
Without fright, we shall fight!”

Shivering in chains under the pouring rain,
A girl trembles, crying in pain,
Held by a caped warrior, in vain,
She cries to the sky, the King’s name,

Riding fast, fleeting in the grass,
To the ears of a riding knight,
Came the cries as tendered whispers,
But not far away the king wondered,

As lightning, he grasped,
His horse so fast,
He flew in a blast,
And saw the girl at last,

“My queen needs not worry,
She shall not bleed before me,
And by the gods I promised,
Not to bleed before my enemy,

You’ve gathered such pain,
Opening a gate in my veins,
Filled with anger and flame,
Hell awaits your name

I damn your existence,
And will cease your essence,
For holding my love,
Gods deny you above!”

Her cape touched the ground,
Without a sound,
Her blade broke their bound,
She died on her own.

Gentle beast,
You’ve breached,
Our nest’s sweet,
Gently, take fleet,

Hideous nights,
From past oblivion,
Trembled my skin,
None claimed the rights,

Beware, she stares,
Watch your steps,
Heavy walker,
The fall is high,

Crispy bones,
Shattered stones,
You wouldn’t be alone,
Breaking through the zone,

Sweet steps,
Without test,
It’s good or bad,
But never sad,

Careful,
Little wings,
Careful,
Little wings,

Fools beware,
Souls dare,
Fools beware,
Souls care.

Why is it,
Everything,
I do it right,
Then turns to wrong!

It is why,
Nothing,
But what’s wrong,
Feels right,

Why is it,
It is why
Why it is,
Is it why…

I must,
Must I,
Do everything,
I… Hey… I…

Efa’s charming,
‘K Sir, I’m lying,
But… Hell,
Heavens, sure!

I can’t,
Could I,
I could,
Can’t I?

Lies, hurt my ears,
Truth, is my vision,
But lies are truth,
Hear my vision…

Never ever,
Forever neither,
Another lover,
Will find her,

Foreigner fighter,
He found her,
I being farmer,
Will never,

Firefighter,
Full of flavor,
I, fair farmer,
Have no better offer,

Sweet as water,
He’s her fire,
Sharp as thunder,
I could fright her,

Further deeper,
He’s better lover,
But further deeper,
I really love her…

The essence of breath,
Ticks within me,
It’s made of flesh,
Body and envy,

Tick tock,
Says my body’s clock,
Tick tock,
Says my body’s clock!

Good luck,
Relying on the clock,
It sucks,
To live on the clock…

It’s time!
Time to beat the clock!
It’s time!
Time to beat the luck!

It’s up to me,
I choose my destiny,
It’s up to me,
To beat reality!

Everything is,
What I make it be,
I make reality,
I’m who I choose to be!

Try and stop me,
From living,
And you might see,
What’s living!

Beat the clock!
It’s time to rock!
Beat the clock!
Now let us rock!

One man thinks,
No one knows,
But if he acts,
The rest follows,

Beat the clock!
Keep it rocking,
Keep it beating,
Before it stops ticking…

The heart empty,
The face, silly,
I remember,
The balcony,

If only you were there,
Up there waiting for me,
I picture you singing,
The day shinning,

If only I was there,
Down there waiting for you,
I picture you smiling,
Day dreaming while I’m singing,

Such simple will,
To roll on wheels,
The heart filled,
The head clear,

Breaking the wall,
Falling and falling,
Breaking the wall,
To hit the ground…

Breaking the wall again,
Breaking the wall,
What happens again,
Is the same, after all…

My heart,
My soul,
My body,

Your tool,
Your toy,
Your joy,

Crystal,
Marble,
Show me,

The sea,
The tree,
The idea,

Crystal,
Marble,
I see,

Walking,
Stepping,
Leaving,

It’s us,
It’s we,
It’s who we’ll be,

Crystal,
Marble,
Fable…

Let’s run,
Let’s walk,
Let’s kiss and talk,
Let’s flee…

Always running,
Always breathing,
Always kissing,
Always fleeing,

Let’s run,
Let’s walk,
Let’s kiss and talk,
Let’s flee…

Never hoping,
Never waiting,
Never fearing,
Never stopping,

Flee… Flee with me,
Flee… Flee with me,

Let’s run,
Let’s walk,
Let’s kiss and talk,
Let’s flee…

You ran away,
The other day,
I ran to you,
But you…

You ran away,
I saw the way,
So far away,
Come back to say,

Let’s run,
Let’s walk,
Let’s stop and talk,
Let’s kiss and walk…

Flee… Flee to me,
Flee… Flee to me…

Chanting from the heart,
She cries words in the dark,
Frightened from the past,
She sings for hope to last,

“God have mercy, on those who parry,
The breath, cold, who couldn’t have sold,
Their souls you hold, To you we fold”

Her shivering skin trembles,
To her lips she fumbles,
The words, most humble,
To comfort those who grumble,

“Clouds make way, For light to ray,
On us who pray, For the Lord to say,
Your faith today, is no longer at bay”

While holding her knees,
Against the wall she sees,
Words she speaks in the breeze,
Out of breath, she’d freeze,

“Please hear me, As I sing freely,
The song of mercy, The song of pity,
My Lord if Only… You could have mercy…”

Her tears ceased to flow,
As her spirit were to glow,
The eyes closed she fell, mellow,
To her last sleep she’d go.

Step down to the ground,
And shout safe and sound,
The beast, the hound,
Hunting you down,

If you’d come to die,
I wouldn’t stop to cry,
To cry to the sky,
Until I die,

Stand up high,
Reach your hand to the sky,
Reach mine, don’t hide,
I feel your fright,
Be but strong tonight,

If you’d come to die,
I wouldn’t stop to cry,
To cry to the sky,
Until I die,

Make me see,
What it is you see,
In the bottom of the sea,
Whatever it’d be,
Hang on for me,
Come down, be free,
And hang on to me,

If you’d come to die,
I wouldn’t stop to cry,
To cry to the sky,
If you’d come to die,
So would I…

Feeding the fire,
With my breath,
I admire,
What’s left,

I’ve whispered,
A single word,
It warmed the fire,
But not for long,

I dropped,
Gently,
A lumber,
Wooden tender,

I stepped forward,
And gazed upon my word,
Black smoke emerged,
Covering the shadows,

But shortly after,
Came the fire,
Small, Then tall,
It needed lumber,

I gave it all,
What it needed,
That’s all,
But I felt more,

I too had a need,
To feel further,
I lusted danger,
I really did,

I stepped into the fire,
To sit on a burning lumber,
I smiled then smoked,
To feel the flames.

Nothing to fear,
No lies to hear,
Being sincere,
Face, dry, no tears,

Not seeking a peer,
Nor expecting a beer,
Being sincere,
Face, down, I feel,

I feel a heel,
Knocking for real,
Vibing the floor,
Just as the shore,

Without attention,
Closer, to mention,
Not caring a second,
Not timing the action,

No pace to heart,
Nor a race to chart,
Never knowing luck,
Nor giving a fuck,

Loosing the fear,
Of being sincere,
Careless of reason,
Just being sincere…

Do not try to understand,
Just do hold what’s in your hands,
’cause if you get to understand,
You will feel less of a man,

Do not think too much,
Do not sleep and such,
Live what you did lust,
Live before it comes to dust,

Do not try to understand,
Keep your heart, beating,
Do not try to understand,
Keep your head, floating,

Do not lead or follow,
Do not stand and sorrow,
Run your body crazy,
Never stopping lazy,

Do not try to understand,
You are more than just a man,
Do not try to understand,
Think of a better land,

Do not try to understand,
Dig away the sand,
Do not try to understand,
Escape the prison in which you stand…

To begin with,
A simple drift,
It came along,
This simple song,

It’s too easy,
This melody,
Yet it drives me,
Completely crazy,

My fingers alone,
Play by their own,
It is my hand,
The spider to man,

It’s lightning,
Is it frightening,
To electrify,
To bolt the sky,

Peeling off the sounds,
Playing all around,
Six bounded strings,
Of pure angel wings,

Flail the melody,
As a parody,
Sing without me,
Serenity…

They are so arrogant,
Egos and dominoes,
They are so vigilant,
Eagles of tomorrows,

But I burnt the tip,
Extended to my lip,
To breath a sip,
And hunger a ship,

I’d fly away in gold,
But it’s too cold,
I prefer to mold,
What I can hold,

I did a lot,
The girl,
I did forgot,
The pearl,

I traveled a mile,
A tall sheet pile,
For just a smile,
On the wall to tile,

You curve my envy,
Your skirt is milky,
Your hand will seek me,
And I will flee,

You are so perfect,
Beautiful circlet,
You are so perfect,
Alone, to neglect…

Just cause she is a girl,
And that I am a guy,

You miscomprehend,
You don’t understand,

We just got to hang out,
And happened to shout,
Just about anything,
Anything a lot,

You miscomprehend,
You don’t understand,

There is nothing to feel,
Nor a heart to kill,
I would not even kneel,
To fancy her will,

Don’t get me wrong,
By hearing this song,
She’s one girl of beauty,
That many will envy,

I do enjoy her company,
But she’s not for me,
Can’t you wake up and see,
How wrong you can be?

You miscomprehend!
You don’t understand!

Logistic fears of a man,
Follows tears in the sand…

I’m so angry,
I’m so angry,
She’s so angry,
She’s so angry,

It’s why we’re both,
On the same boat,
It’s why we’re both,
Far from the float,

It’s negative,
In arithmetic,
It’s negative,
But sympathetic,

Could it be,

Perfect, by dialect,
Perfect, as alphabet,
Effect, not to neglect,
Effect, is what you get,

Could it be,

A chance of consequence,
Native to the sens,
Or complete coincidence,
Able to influence,

I had to be,

Born with gender,
Born offender,
Sweeter or dire,
Silent to surrender,

Within me,

About to fusion,
Delusions of illusion,
A confusing conclusion,
Problems of perception,

I’m so angry,
I’m so angry…

My dream
To hold you,
It seems,
To bore you,

My dream,
To see you,
It seems,
To be true,

Is my guitar,
My voice,
And my car,
The only choice?

It’s that my scar,
My vice,
And this bar,
Cannot suffice,

It’s my chance,
To do romance,
And by my stance,
You will dance…

I don’t need to walk on water,
Nor to stand and burn in fire,
To realize,
You agonize,

It’s disgusting even awful,
To make of you, a human fool,
They don’t realize,
You agonize,

Sanctify,
Those tears to dry,
Sanctify,
Our cry,

It’s when our eyes are shut,
Not when they’re wide and cut,
We realize,
You agonize,

It’s not when your mind is free,
But when you try to flee,
I realize,
You agonize,

Sanctify,
Those tears to dry,
Sanctify,
Don’t let it die inside…

Shouting your name,
Down to the drain,
Screaming the same,
Hope, to stop, the pain,

It’s black,
It’s red,
It’s laced,
Onto my head,

It’s black,
It’s red,
It’s laced,
Onto my bed,

It’s black,
It’s black,
It’s back,
It’s back,

Stop the pain,
Stop the pain,

Red stains,
Black rains,
I bleed in black,
Failing, to stop, the pain,

Stop the pain,
Stop the pain,

She walks in red,
She’s red and black,
Black to red,
And red to black,
Back, to that, to black,

Stop the pain,
Stop the pain,

Crying your name,
Falling to shame,
Nothing, but black, and red, curtains…

The source of water,
Comes from rain, earth and torture,

The water walker,
Saw the blue oceans, the flow and the river,

He walks slowly,
With feet of silk,
Stepping carefully,
On the blue milk,

He finds the source,
The eyes of mystery,
His arms as resource,
Eases the flow and history…

Imagine me,
Little tree,
Distance free,
And wild to be,

By your side,
Helping you grow,
Tall so high,
To reach your halo,

Your silence,
Is a puzzle,
For my patience,
To riddle,

Imagine me,
Little tree,
Dream to see,
A dreamer be…

You are,
Underwater Flower,
You are,
Underwater Girl,

It’s alright,
Below the water lilly,
It’s okay,
I see your beauty,

Flow, your eyes,
Young Flower,
Flow, the water,
Shy beauty,

You are,
Underwater,
You look,
Better,

No sand, no fire,
She desired water,
With seeds as feet,
I wait the bloom…

Yesterday I dropped,
A social bomb,
Today time stopped,

I fear the tick,
That lies within,
It makes me sick,

I was in a corner,
No excuse to fond,
I fed the hunger,

The time is late,
And another sin,
Crossed my fate,

I will forget,
Break the bond,
And remember…

I am the hunger,
The tiny shadow,
The slim finger,
The hatred sorrow,

My personality,
An empty entity,
My old body,
Ages my youth,

I seek the blood,
I seek the skin,
The veins of mud,
I want to sin,

Who am I,
I am the lie,
Vampire?
Reconsider.

Remember,
The time,
The teacher,

Remember,
The child,
The father,

Remember,
To cry,
Dear mother,

The distance is great,
You want to fly away,
But the flight awaits,
And you have to stay,

Remember,
The innocence,
The pestilence,

Remember,
To forgive,
To live…

Artificial Existence,
Of new born zombies,
Passion forgotten,
Of pace to breath,

First Inspirational,
Now mechanical,
Trapped in a cycle,
To motor a bible,

Many potentials,
Of content approvals,
Lost credentials,
And stopped travels,

Everything is empty,
Now the faces flee,
I’ll be the enemy,
By the count of three…

I fool existence,
By my patience,
I drool in silence,
By my incompetence,

Deeper to the eyes,
And lost to demise,
The dealer of lies,
Sends chronic butterflies,

Our tendric attraction,
Of physical reaction,
Fills anticipation,
Of annihilation,

I circle the shapes,
Then mirror the fate,
To both eye’s crates,
Holding my escape..

Inspirational block,
Emotions clock,
Find me the lock,
keys are to mock,

Try everyone,
One by one,
Keyhole gun,
Until it’s done,

Here comes the dawn,
I cannot yawn…
The sand is gone.
The box feels sun…

What if you thought of everything,
From start to end,
But nothing ever goes as planned,

You think you thought of everything,
But a pawn moved before you,
And the unexpected changes everything,

It is funny how you must protect the king,
Because if you lose the queen,
You won’t even want to play,

And once the queen is no longer by your side,
You’ll see the king,
With no tears in his eyes,

When you look forward,
You know your king lives,
And you didn’t lose,

But when you look back,
Deep in your language and origins,
You’re just french… And crazy…

To the extent,
Of her talent,
She fades the scent,
Growing radiant,

A taste of color,
Hollows the mirror,
Hiding the horror,
Forgetting it’s over,

Time came by,
Once to cry,
Twice to die,
How many times to lie,

The door still open,
She left the roulette,
My heart has burden,
Of her red silhouette…

Eliminate,
Anticipate,
Intimidate,
And smile to fate,

Discipline,
The hole within,
Sin and sin,
To reach a grin,

It’s desire,
To anchor,
In a corner,
Is blind to admire,

Rise from seat,
Turn to heat,
Walk your feet,
Away from fleet..

Suicidal redemption,
Comes with fashion,
My past attraction,
A colorful oblivion,

Forgetting the intention,
I remember the passion,
Still lusting poison,
My heart’s in prison,

Sadness eternity,
The body empty,
I only envy,
Her alone with me,

Deep in sorrow,
Holding below,
My eyes flow,
In serenity’s hollow…

The phonetic fruit,
Has no heart to loot,
It stays hidden,
As your children,

The melody keeps ringing,
As a bell dancing,
It’s the start of light,
And the end of fright,

Fear is lost,
Hearts are frost,
Tears are sand,
To glass my hand,

Negative arithmetics,
Fulfill mathematics,
The future electronic,
Becomes philosophic,

Trendy,
Energy,
Sorry,
Analogy…

A circle turns square,
As I smile to care,
And vice in despair,
Of a forgotten chair,

My golden pen away,
Locked under a tray,
Will rust one day,
While I sit in decay,

You took the hook,
Off the blue book,
To shred a look,
At the sea’s brook,

Velvet minds alike,
We seek to sink,
Another strike,
At life’s blink…

As the orange piece,
Held ecstasy’s peace,
It chained a lease,
To my head’s feace,

My body hosts flaw,
As I cannot withdraw,
The piece I saw,
Entering the draw,

White and blue coast,
Gambles of most,
Decays to roast,
My cavity’s toast,

The pulp of blood,
Hides a rose bud,
To feel the mud,
In mindless flood…

The time has come,
With boredom of freedom,
After serenity’s podium,
I dream of a kingdom,

A place in my dreams,
Where my head gleams,
Away from schemes,
Fading away the screams,

My dreams share colors,
Transparent explorers,
Between blue horrors,
And white mirrors,

Pity is at stake,
As a rotten snake,
My head is to shake,
But it won’t awake…

Hypnotized by blackness,
I cry mostly sadness,
My tears are fearless,
They crave emptiness,

Crawling through thoughts,
I chain my swim to a hole,
Where my head fought,
My deep black soul,

My heartbeat is a spiral,
That holds everything vital,
But my will gets little,
As my breath fiddles,

I confuse desire,
With lust of pleasure,
And if only fire,
Could burn the mirror,

My apocalyptic desire,
Cursed me as a liar,
I am to inspire,
The spiral’s wire…

The box is empty,
Holding no entity,
Bordered by six sides,
Where nothing resides,

The fragile cubicle,
Looks normal,
But is in fact,
An artifact,

Reverse your clock,
When it strikes six,
Then stare the block,
As would Nyx,

You will find the cure,
As you are the lure,
Of something pure,
Yet obscure.

Sur ta joue je suis tombé,
D’un faible baiser,
Sur ta joue me suis-je lancé,
Une deuxième fois par anxiété,

Je ne remercie pas le ciel,
De te voir toujours aussi belle,
Mais j’aime bien l’étincelle,
Que tu m’apporte de tes ailes,

De la jungle jusqu’à toi,
Tu me rends roi,
Selon l’horoscope,
Du moins… je crois,

Si je t’écrit,
Ce n’est pas de la comédie,
Si tu m’oublie,
J’aurai compris,

Je ne pense qu’a toi,
Jour et nuit sous mon toit,
Mon coeur est à toi,
Tendrement, brise-le moi…

Radiant…
Smile today,
Radiant…
Shy today,

Gradient…
Smile to me,
Gradient…
Shy to me,

Lullaby..
Heard away,
Lullaby…
Far away,

Light…
Behind you,
Light…
Around too,

Fever…
My desire,
Fever…
My temperature,

Radiant…
Gradient,
Radiant…

Look down to see,
A reflection of me,
As if my body was bones,
Covered by liquid on stones,

Urination of mind,
With water combined,
Transparent entwined,
They remain to remind…

To quicken the pace,
To look the mirror, then race,
To run all cards as an ace,
As required to chase,

Then slow down the pace,
Look the mirror, then the face,
Reveal your hand’s grace,
To the empty continuous embrace…

You’re my,
Underwater girl,
Swimming,
With feet of perl,

You’re my,
“Never knew”,
Your mind,
Never blue,

You’re my,
Underwater reflection,
Dreaming,
Over affection,

You’re my,
Aqua photo,
Submerging,
My body’s lingo,

You’re my,
Liquid fire,
Still shy,
Of the water…

Within the water,
The lumens of fire,
Reminds of higher,
Elemental disorder…

Sleepless dreamer,
Keep me awake,
Sleepless dreamer,
Keep me by the lake,

Let me run,
Faster,
Let me run,
Further,

Without rest,
Without breath,
Always closer,
Running forever,

Make me travel,
Everywhere,
Make me travel,
Anywhere,

You know,

Eyes wide open,
You disappear,
But Eyes shut,
I have no fear,

Besides,

As an angel,
Descending from above,
I land as Azriel,
To confess my love,

Once my foot on the ground,
Plucking my wings out my spine,
I then bond them without sound,
To her back now entwined,

She rounded her lips,
To extend me a heavenly kiss,
As my cheeks were to feel eclipse,
They only, shared a bliss,

She smiled as I’d wait,
Then flew to heaven’s gate,
I stood from this date,
Heart split and body as bait…

From tyranny to tragedy,
Strong waves of ocean,
Moved a shell violently,
To the lake of devotion,

Upon it’s arrival,
Struggling for survival,
The animal within,
Realized it had no skin,

Where did it all begin?
When did it take a spin?
He crawled his mind in sin,
With his breath growing thin,

It began with a stride,
Riding water with pride,
But destination denied,
Resides, empty, a shell aside…

Light Weight,
Champion of fate,
He shuffles dices,
Tricked of late,

Chance is of game,
But the roll is yet to claim,
For twin faces,
Lies hidden places,

The player is alone,
With luck atoned,
He kneels as numbers appear,
Closing his eyes with fear,

The play is over,
His hand holds no lover,
He shouted in laughter,
To the warden of his soul:

“Please rejoice,
Silent keeper,
Victory has no voice,
Just as the Reaper…”

Kate to Raymond,

– bbl k?
– wtf K?
– afk!
– rotf, ‘kay…

– re
– wb
– brb ray
– k bb…

– ty
– np, y?
– 4 aids… rly…
– SRSLY?

– N bb 2…
– FML 2…
– I <3 u…
– I <3 u 2…

Pass the pipe,
To the piper,
Pluck a puck,
Of architecture,

Her pepper pajama,
Places a pace,
To pack departure,
Past progression,

Depressed and deprived,
From pleasure,
Prepared and packed,
From pure pressure,

The pinata pored he,
To pilot for parlor,
His pact for plea:
He is the pirate of envy.

De l’arc du ciel,
Et de ses couleurs pastels,
J’observe l’artificiel,
D’origine accidentelle,

Regardons le paysage,
En ses merveilles naturelles,
Souhaitons un seul présage,
En nos cueillettes actuelles,

Visionnez de vôtre élan,
Un hivers blanc,
De paix et de chants,
Retraite à gants blancs,

Ne lancer pas de pierres,
De peine et de misères,
Versez larmes légères,
Aux lieu d’armer feu,

L’homme est humain,
En son essein,
Son seul destin,
Brille par ses mains,

Souhaitons santé,
Sans méchanceté,
Souhaitons gaieté,
Sans lâcheté,

L’erreur est humaine,
Vivez son regret,
L’amour est humaine,
Vivez son plein effet.

For healing my dry veins,
Your essence is to revive,
Curing my fists of pains,
You salted my soul alive,

For warming my heart,
Who was cold as shark,
The lightning spark,
Guided my chart,

For calming the pace,
Of my breath’s lace,
I welcome the embrace,
Of your cards to ace,

For the cool breeze,
When I was seized,
By sunburn’s squeeze,
You don’t lack the keys,

For giving me sour,
When sugar’s tower,
Built by woman’s power,
Was not the right flower,

I will forge redemption,
In our name’s fashion,
I will shower emotions,
By anger’s demotion,

I thank you blind,
We’ll meet again,
Peace is of mind,
Remain forever kind,

I sleep tonight,
Without fright,
Dreams are a delight,
A pleasure to ignite…

Te rappel tu des Export-A,
Que l’on fumait allongé sur le quai,
C’était le bonheur par millier,

J’te laisserai jamais tombé,
Car où que tu sois j’irai,
Au bout du monde te rechercher,
Pour te donner une bonne relevée,

Amie depuis longtemps,
Pour toujours j’ai dit souvent,
Mais l’étincelle pris mon vivant,
C’est ton nom que m’apporte le vent,

C’est la fantaisie,
D’un petit qui à grandit,
Amis pour la vie,
Devient amour de mon coeur vieillit,

Si tu savais comme j’t’aime autant,
Les yeux rêveur comme un enfant,
Fermer au bords du feu brillant,
Je pense à toi et moi vieillissant,

Je t’aime sans lendemain,
À ta santé je gorge mon vin,
Mon amour pour toi est un trou sans fin,
Si seulement j’étais le tien!

Un bon soir à étoiles d’or,
J’ai complètement perdu le nord,
Je t’ai donné mon coeur d’ivoire,
Baisant ton cou et caressant ton corps,

Je t’ai avouer mon amour trop tard,
Et les années de lézard,
M’ont fit lancé un sort,
J’en suis pas fier mon trésor,

Pas deux semaines écoulées,
J’ai envié t’rendre jalouse à craquer,
En baisant une fille de l’été,
Mais même ça n’a pas marché!

Donnez moi une bouée,
Pour oublier les yeux qui m’font brailler,
J’m’en suis presque noyé,
C’est toute une pente à remonter,

Sans toi c’est la folie,
Les couleurs me semble gris,
Mais mon visage souris,
Car l’avenir n’est pas maudit,

Y faut pas voir juste à terre,
Faut levé sa tête après sa bière,
Car la vie s’pas qu’d’la misère,
Sa bouge à surprise d’en être fier,

Sa pluie d’émotions,
Des fois amer, des fois si bon,
Faut accrocher nos vieux chaudrons,
Puis se levé d’un saut en amont!

Si tu crois qu’j’suis mal en point,
Trompe toi, met tes freins,
J’fais rire à décrocher des reins,
J’met des bretelles quand j’sort du bain!

Aujourd’hui j’pense à toi,
Mais demain qui ce sera?
Mon amour s’envolera,
Quoi qui arrive j’t’oublierai pas!

Un jour j’te serrerai dans mes bras,
Quand ma gorge et son éclat,
Quand ce sera temps d’rire de tout ça,

Mais aujourd’hui j’pense à toi,
La princesse de ma jeunesse,
Mon coeur chuchote tout bas,
Ces mot doux à l’aura…

Slippery thoughts,
Follows sunspots,
By vision knots,
To the mind’s riots,

Promises boiled,
Spoiled and oiled,
Become foiled,
Downwards as coiled,

Slippery affection,
Follows rejection,
By distorted directions,
To a new confection,

It’s talk is mundane,
It’s feeling arcane,
An eminent campaign,
Of emotions sustained,

The act of speaking,
Was a leak reeking,
With another sneaking,
Awaiting and shrieking,

Slippery rain,
Follows the train,
By a daisy chain,
To quilt and ordain…

Le poète célibataire,
Lève sa bière,
Et jongle des pierres,
Regardant la mer,

Accompagné il espère,
Et semble fier,
Que son allure et son air,
Aura de quoi faire taire,

Il vie quelques misères,
Puis il rêve de plaire,
À une beauté imaginaire,
Qui sortira du désert,

Parfois quelques altères,
Le calme, le désaltères,
Sans ses amis, ses frères,
Ce serait la galère,

Philosophe sur son ère,
Technicien par son flaire,
Cuisinier apprenti par sa mère,
Il incarne toute une chaire,

De son nom il est sincère,
De son coeur une panthère,
Par son âme une éclair,
Le tout une prière,

Pour un monde vert,
Pour une belle terre,
Sans guerre,
Ni frontières…

They’ve got control,
Over who I am,
They can suck the soul,
Out of any man,

Shallow instincts,
Guide their hands,
Their minds a precinct,
Of evil sands,

Yet I stand serene,
After many scenes,
Yet I stand alive,
After many lies,

The voice of reason,
Spawns to shine,
Upon the poison,
Long past to find,

Afterlife begins,
As my soul rebirths,
Forgiving sins,
Recalled as girth…

J’ai peut-être pas d’auto,
Et j’ai peut-être pas de château,
Mais si tu embarque sur mon dos,
J’te montrerai quelque chose de beau,

C’est l’été puis l’hiver,
De nos émotions de tonnerre,
Mais n’oublie pas ton sourire exemplaire,
Je baignerai des étoiles pour toi dans la mer,

Je me vague la romance,
Je t’inspire en abondance,
Tel une musique de chance,
Nous emportant dans la danse,

Je t’aimerai à tout les jours,
Je te ferai toujours la court,
Ferme tes yeux lourds,
Je t’embrasserai mon amour,

Un jour je trouverai humeur,
Mystérieuse jongleuse de cœurs,
Un jour j’effacerai tes peurs,
Mais pour te faire honneur,

Je dois te trouver, mon âme sœur.

I’m thinking,
My heart will melt,
I’m chasing,
A heart so svelte,

The spark is soft,
Comfy and mellow,
Her voice a loft,
For me to wallow,

Our fingers render,
Tiger stripes together,
We feel, we enjoy,
A moment to toy,

As a moving theatre,
Our eyes and minds,
Crossed the river,

Forgetting our feet,
Gossips of laughter,
Came as a fleet,
An enchanting sweet,

Serene twilight of tomorrow,
Will shatter away sorrow,
We are the illusions in the water’s glow,
Warm waves to blossom in a world of snow.

I am a doll,
Lifted at night,
Kissed by light,
Burdened by thrall,

A neurotic experience,
Vagabond to my mind,
Kept in silence,
Entirely confined,

Head away,
Body at play,
Calamity for sway,
Feyed as prey,

Skeptic of axiomatics,
My psyche in aerobatics,
Seeking systematics,
Intellect slips,

My thoughts,
A strange lobby,
Occupied by dots,
In senseless harmony,

Self-aware,
I set about,
Mounting a flare,
Smiling in flout…